Why am I not feeling bonded to my baby right away?

You may hear people say “The first time I looked at my baby, I never felt something so strong”. That may leave you thinking “What is wrong with me?” “Am I a bad mom?” if you do not feel the same way right away. The truth is, some mothers do not feel the bond right away. There are many factors that are at play.

Some factors that can make bonding difficult at first:

  • Having a C-Section
  • Premature baby that has to be brought to the NICU right away
  • Postpartum depression or anxiety

Even if you do not have any of the above risk factors, but don’t feel an immediate bond, just know you are not alone! Just you worrying about it, and reading this information indicates how much you care. For some, the bonding process takes time. There are some ways you can help bond to your baby. Read more about bonding with baby and why it isn’t always immediate here.

  • Try skin to skin contact with your baby (also called kangaroo care). Read more about the effects of skin to skin contact here.
  • Learn about infant massage and try it with your baby. Read about infant massage here.
  • Spend quality time with baby, holding her and playing with her
  • Try baby wearing using a wrap to carry baby around with you during the day

Know that over time, generally, the bond will develop. For some it occurs when the baby starts to become more interactive.

If it has been a longer time and you are still worried about not bonding with baby, talk to your doctor. Postpartum depression, anxiety and OCD can affect the bonding process. These conditions are treatable with proper care. Read more about these conditions and about steps to take if you need help here.


Mom Friends

Motherhood is often a shock to the system. Suddenly there is a small helpless being you are caring for and it is hard to describe to someone who has not “been there”. Whether you are a working mom or stay at home mom it can be difficult to find balance. The days often blend together and you may feel isolated from others.

It is important during this time to connect with other moms. Some do this very easily and often. Others, it takes a bit more effort. Ladies, I am talking to you! This is a time in your life where it is helpful to be very intentional about seeking and connecting with other moms who are in the trenches with you.

Ways to connect


There are many groups available to participate in all over. Just start looking. Here locally in Houghton and Keweenaw counties here are some examples of ways to begin connecting in a group setting:

The Keweenaw Family Resource Center and the Treehouse

This resource is great because no one will be turned away. Those who can afford it pay a fee and those who cannot are welcome too. In addition, they have free events for everyone, including free days at the treehouse and playtime in the park during the summer.

There is a local Christian Affiliated group called MOPS (Mothers of Preshoolers) that meets 2 times per month during the school year for Mommy time. Childcare is included.

Online groups such as Copper Country Moms and Dads can keep you in the loop about what is going on in the area for families and possibly connect you to a new mom friend.

If you are not in the local area, look for support groups in your own area.


Bring your baby/kids to a local park. It is a great place to strike up a conversation with other parents doing the same.

Reach out to someone you know is a parent that you maybe have not connected with in a while. This can be done by facebook, phone, text, email or in person. You will often find how supportive most other parents are willing to be.

You can look at this as “phase 2” of dating. You meet moms, get phone numbers and set up playdates!

Start by doing one thing. Get yourself up out of the house one time and put yourself out there. It will get easier. Once it does, you can add this important mom interaction in your daily/weekly or monthly routine.